Intangible THoughts

She looked at the knife gleaming in its silvery light, just like an elf in the mystic moonlight of the midsummernight. THe only thought that ran in her cranuel veratibrium was the supposed pain on body during death. death waiting to sheath its unclean unsavory claws into pure white skin aand lay to waste those hours of scrubbing and rearing. Spreading of blood on those snowlike hands from far from desirable to her even in deat, but certain tasks had to be fulfilled, certain duties had to be taken responsibility of.

The major question of how to fulfilkl dem buzzed in hewr head.. none of the conventional ways seemed very viable or "cool" enough to follow. THen sprang a thot in her temporal lobe, grey cells put on theeir thinking cap and the great rusted wheels whirred into motion This death had to be Spectacular it couldn't be like anything ever seen or heard in normal news.... even in the death there had to be immortality.....For only immortality would wipe of the stain and revive her into the eing of her choice, only that would give satisfaction to the inconcievable longing in her pitiless soul.... The could not be rectified and the future was not acceptable to her.

She sat still for quite some time Out the window the birds sang and boys whistled. Inside time stood still silence cut the air making noise and disturbing her. Yes the past could not be rectified and the future lay pale ahead only dath would solve the agony....THere could be no more spectular ways that could gurantee her the satisfaction of a perfect death. Nothing more fatal and the stainless steel glinting its edges and thus spoke her conscience angry and tormented at the world at large, or was it at her...It spoke as a seperate identity of its own reminding her of the fatal night... Then too the kife had been glinting albeit with chocolate dripping off its surface and yet it had not shone its true colours. TOday the vividity with which she saw it puzzled her, probably had observed it too-the vividity in its patterns and hedges on the edge... wait hadn't he felt it, the pain sorrow and helplessness.

And yet she had been a woodpecker hammering away to glory at the stubborn tree. THe agony of the tree unfelt and unmoved by it. But of the deeds committed and the actions done... What of it? asked her seperate entity... No deed was too powerful or grave as to be stabbed at, and no person was that important to be killed for. Snd yet it had been done, the THought greviously haunted her the gruesome sight of blood spilt like water and splashed over the wall like sum amatuer artists fisrt impression if the world, it still filled her to horrer and rage at the world for making her do it at him for being the cause and at herself for being the effect....

She awoke from her stupor (itwas never sleep since that day) by the buzzing of the door bell She had to do it now else it would be too late, They would know that she had done it, the evidence was against her everywhere and yet they could not find it till date, they had not even implicated her but her sould had died. THe fading laughter in his eyes had more than anything but killed her. Now she was a mere existence. Again she glanced at the silver sheathed weapon the fading sun casting its last rays on its silver designs.... Her life like them was carved by an unknown entity and yet not touched by it or graced by its presence.

THe moment had arrived, the madness in her head refused to subside refued to let her live she had to die Only its outcome wouldsatisfy thepain longing and heal it completely. Courage seemed to have deserted her anf strenght faded from her supple legs. She dragged the knife towards her and...... plunged it thriugh her forever imparing her stomach and liver. The cruel metal piecered her like a sword cutting a still night's air. THe blinding pain began subsided and re-began. Her own water played a game of hide and seek with her gorming shadows all over.

YES YES Probably this was the pain he had felt when she killed him HER BROTHER but she had suffered through much greater pain in those hours of agony bearing him having him and trying to hate him... Had she succeeded by the end to hate him for his actions for having her never walk outside the cage he had built for her?No she thought, she had not inspite of all said and done she still loved him still had wanted him to live still believed in him...... The drips of her blood now sounded fainter and there was the sun playing havoc on her senses becomming brighter and closer by every second.

THis is what death feels like to all those alive and waiting awaiting I tel you I know it coz I have been reborn and thats what makes it all worth while Life and nothing more just that......

." THe past is intangible in our thoughts and the future hazy in our eyes, Damn it still didnt change" came the dim thought in the impeding darkness..............

Swati D'souza